Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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