FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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