i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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