yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
