Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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