she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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