Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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