Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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