ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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