I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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