nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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