sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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