Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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