Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
