I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
