i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
