Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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