Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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