my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
