Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
