just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?