I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out