i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.