this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not