If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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