considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
