Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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