I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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