you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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