Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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