I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
