First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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