I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He shit in the fireplace
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
