omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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