It's just like the Real World with babies
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
