If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize