He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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