So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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