i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
