1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
