I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
