I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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