my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
