Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
