Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
