I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
