I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
