I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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