This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
