and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
