I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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