Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
