ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
