Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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