i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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