I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
