I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
