my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
