My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
