Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
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Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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