I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize