if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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