I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
not ubering you a puppy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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