Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
