i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
