so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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