i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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