Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
