can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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