The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
