Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
