my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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