its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
