so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
