I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
