I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
