I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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