hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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