Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's Friday. Sex?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
