I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
