i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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